CONFIDENTIAL JUST BETWEEN US

MINISTER OF TRANSPORT – PRESS RELEASE BY KEITH BOSLER

The Minister for Transport, Keith Bosler, is pleased to announce a revolutionary parking initiative which will increase parking for all important road users.

“Contrary to popular opinion, we here at the Ministry always strive to balance the needs of all road users,” Mr Bosler said. “Thankfully a system has evolved that is fair to all those concerned. It operates through the medium of lobby groups, without whom we might never have been elected. And don’t think it’s easy being lobbied all the time, why there are only so many expensive dinners, weddings and brown paper bags a man can take.

Apparently.

“In any case, the tragic issue of a lack of public parking in both urban and rural areas has come to light, where cars and trucks are simply unable to find enough spaces, especially with so many being taken by vulnerable road user groups, such as motorcycles.

“Clearly this is unfair to the larger road users, who are quite capable of carrying significantly more passengers than a motorcycle, whether they chose to or not. Yet, motorcycle parking seems to be proliferating and if I do say, there is nothing more unsightly than seeing sixty or so motorcycles parked closely together. What a perfectly good waste of four or five car spaces.

“Now I know parking is generally a local council thing and they may have chosen in the past to try and encourage public transport or less environmental damage or better fl owing traffic, but those matters are not really relevant to lobbyists. So, we have assumed the responsibility and have another brilliant plan for you.

“We will be removing half the existing motorcycle spaces and making them available to my friends, er correct that to ‘cars and trucks’. But, before you get on your high horse, we will however allow you to double stack motorcycles on the remaining spaces. By ‘ allow’ we mean ‘require’.

“Ironically, the process of double stacking may in fact require a high horse so we have made available, for a fee (payable to the Ministry), the use of specifically designed fork-lifts to assist you. Well, I say fork-lifts but at present it’s only one, albeit the driver is very good at his job. I know this as he is my cousin.

“So, in effect more parking spaces and everyone who has a powerful lobby group is happy. Cheers, I’m off to lunch!”